All But a Thread
If a note is what you need, all I can say is, "I'm sorry."
Hey Kid,
My gift to you,
A note listing grief,
Depressed stories told by a cynic.
All but a thread.
What’s there to say?
Adulthood was conquered,
Our search concluded.
Living long, a daydream.
Hell, suicide seems welcoming;
The scars, lines on your flesh,
Faded reminders driving hopeless faith.
No knives needed,
None under the pillow,
None piercing our skin.
Twenty-nine, alive and breathing.
Working hard as life rushes by.
Wonderment comes.
Memories of you, fading dreams.
Pride for you overflowing.
You weren’t gullible,
Self conscious, never ignorant.
One hundred times, a phrase over spoken,
“If I met my younger self, what would I say?”
What words to gift to the dreamer?
Pain is all I bring,
Sometimes beautiful, sometimes traumatic.
My well feels dry,
Yet deeper love drives my resolve.
I no longer fight, argue with passion.
Little time, no energy for such things.
Behind a wall, emotions overflow.
A bloodthirsty animal,
Anger surfaces, feral and snarling,
A beast willing and able to kill,
An unsettling thought.
Hate grips us.
Passing moments, and rage grows.
Humanity was precious.
Pain, the enemy,
Love, the cure.
Second chances, third, fourth, twentieth,
Trusting friends, an easy feat.
Befriending others, no trust necessary,
Good luck in the search.
We were popular with closed eyes.
Behind every evil, a person lying in wait.
Cut and dry reality, gnarled confusion.
I laugh to myself,
You begged for my existence,
Absolutely ludicrous.
A young boy, a hero’s future,
Saving those who misfortune owns.
Physical pain, the goal,
Facing real demons for the first time.
That heart in your chest,
What a warrior’s spirit.
A weathered soldier is home.
The demons apart of me.
No wonder comes, war crosses my path.
The rubble, grey stone, cracked pride,
I follow the numbness.
The tremors, survivable.
A bag packed, nightmares as luggage.
Heroes, a sham.
Villains are we.
Abandoned you, I didn’t.
Forgetting you, convenient ignorance.
I provided protection,
Relinquished the best I possessed.
Decisions were made,
Broken hearts, our own doing.
Love abandoned for freedom.
Time lost to work.Family gone forever.
The dark holds demons.
The corner feels safe.
No longer is the future romantic,
No longer a pure soul.
You cry, a scourge on my mind,
Begging for release.
You fill my heart with anguish,
Screaming my name,
“Somebody help me!”
You laugh, mock me as I struggle.
I’m still you, I think.
We might be different people,
Trapped together by fate.
Whatever we are,
You and I surviving as one,
Despite the darkness ensuing.
If a disappointment is what I am,
All I can say is, “I’m sorry.”
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